101 Ways To Get Killed by the Nations
by TheDarknessOfHeaven23
Summary: This is the 101 Ways to Get Killed by the Nations, or at least being horribly injured, that's up to their mood, really. T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**101 Ways To Get Killed By The Nations**

**First Way: Mess With Their Sibling.**

No one mess with one of the Italy bros, as that mean that they will mess with the other. And I remind you, Romano isn't the only one who are in mafia.

"Ve~, Toni, what did you do to Lovi yesterday?"

It sounds like an innocent question, if only Feli didn't point that gun straight at Antonio's face with a dark grin and a scary glare that would make Berwald's like a very cute pout.

"Aah, eeh, um?"

"Wrong answer, idiot."

**Second Way: Mess with their sibling, again.**

The idiot who did it? Why don't you ask Ivan?

"Matvey is scary, Matvey is scary...the hockey stick is just as scary..."

"Brother, will you marry me?"

"Will that safe me from an angry Matvey?"

"I'm not sure..."

**Third Way: Who are the idiot who keep picking on the wrong person?**

The answer is revealed when they found out Arthur is almost get mauled by Matthias and Berwald after he accidently insulted Tino.

"Ve~, don't you think that they went a bit overboard?"

"That's coming from someone who almost killed Antonio just for..."

CLICK.

"You want to say something?"

"Err, no.."

"Good."

"Ve~, Gilbert, you wanna go for some ice cream?

**That's for number 1-3, and yes, my OTP is PrusIta**


	2. Chapter 2

**101 Ways to Get Killed by The Nations.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DIDN'T OWN HETALIA OR THE DATA SHOWN BELOW.**

**Fourth Way: Is there a dumpster for idiots? If this keep happening I think we need one.**

You see, for the last few days, we had an almost dead Toni, Ivan and Arthur, while Feli, Matthew, Matthias and Berwald almost killed them. Then, when an idiot *ahemYongSooahem* make Ivan join the latter list...

"Bu-But, groping are originated in Korea, da ze! And your sister's boobs are huge!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol~, it just gave me more reasons to kill you."

"You have no problem with this right, Yao?"

"Go ahead, aru."

"NOOOOOOO!"

**Fifth Way: When you know someone has taken, don't try to mess with any of them.**

No one except Ivan has witnessed this side of Raivis until Francis almost raped Peter (who are Raivis' boyfriend) to get back at Arthur. And poor Francis, seeing the Baltic's yandere side make Ivan's childish mind get sparked with all the most amazing ideas, and the Russian is more than eager to help Raivis who happily accept his assistance.

"D-Don't you t-think t-that h-he is v-very b-beautiful with b-blood s-smearing h-him, M-Mr. Ivan?"

"Kolkolkolkolkol~, I agree with you for once, little Raivis."

Toris whined for the rest of the day since he was the one who has to clean up the whole mess and treated Francis wounds and wait until he revived, and Feliks happily accompany him...

"Ohonhonhon~, you has such a beautiful hands, Tor-" CRAT!

"Nooooonnnn! My eyes!"

"Ugh, what a waste of a fine nail polish, but then again, he was, like, a totally huge perv!"

"Feliks... but you don't need to destroy his eyes with your nail polish..."

**Sixth Way: Disturb someone's sleep.**

Never try to wake Toni up from his siesta except you're either of Italy bros, neither you should try to wake Matthias up from one except you're a Nordic. Doing so will reward you with a battle axe in head.

"Sigh, I guess I won't get any rest for now..."

"Oh, c'mon, Toris, you should, like, totally cheer up!"

"Ve~, I thought I had already told Kiku that no matter what he should never wake Toni up from his siesta~, I guess he forget..."

"You could have done it less messy, I don't want to explain to my boss how we got brain matters in the meeting room, dude."

And waking Heracles up is big no, especially if you're Sadiq.

"Dude! My boss will totally get mad at me!"

"It's...just...some...scratch...marks..."

"With blood, and... is that poop?"

"I...guess..."

"Guess what? Washington will be clear from all Nations for the next few weeks."

**And that's all for now, R & R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**101 Ways To Get Killed By The Nations**

**Seventh Way: Eat England's scones.**

It's the absolute rule for all Nations, that this is the very first thing that they should teach to any new Nations in the world, or all human in that matter, that Arthur Kirkland's scones are deadlier than a radioactive waste.

Katyusha and Natalia swore that the rumor that England's scones are deadlier than radioactive waste are 100 percent true when they ate it. Ivan almost go ahead and killed Arthur if he didn't found out the scones are indeed made by Arthur, but it was Peter who snuck it off to the meeting room.

"Waah! Papa, save me from the scary Ivan-man!"

"Don't worry, Ivan won't use his pipe, he would use a riding crop instead to smack your butt."

"That's just as bad! OW!"

"Kolkolkolkol, now let Mother Russia to punish you for your naughtiness~"

"NOOOOO!"

**Eight Way: Try to get near Russia.**

No, Ivan wouldn't mind at all for anyone to try to approach him and talk some simple things with him, Feliciano, Matthew, and Alfred do sometimes, but they are pretty much exception.

Once again, no, Ivan won't mind to talk with anyone, especially if they are interested to become one with him, but...

"Big Brother~"

"Go away!"

"Big brother... would you marry me?"

"I don't think he would agree with that..."

"You! Are you trying to marry big brother or disrupt my marriage with my brother?! Unforgivable!"

"Eeeek!"

**Ninth Way: Make the Soviet Russia jokes.**

"Hey hey hey! Alfred, listen to this one, this is totally funny!"

"Umm, what it might be, Feliks?"

"Like, in America, you watches TV, in Soviet Russia, TV watches you!"

"Wow! That's totally awesome and funny, dude! Here's mine, in America, you plays game, in Soviet Russia, game plays you!"

"That's like, totally funny! Here's more, in America, you drive cars, in Soviet Russia, cars drive you!"

"Oh my god! There's more! In America,we bear guns, in Soviet Russia, you guns bear!"

"In America, hero saves you, in Soviet Russia, you saves hero!"

"In America, you break laws, in Soviet Russia, laws break you!"

"In America, you assinate president, in Soviet Russia, president assasinate you."

"That's somehow not funny..."

"In America, you steal cars, in Soviet Russia, cars stole you!"

"In America, you screwed girls, in Soviet Russia, girls screwed you!"

"In America, slenderman stalks you, in Soviet Russia, you stalked slenderman."

"Wait, I just know that that Ivan has that hobby."

"Me neither, but in America pedobear chases you, in Soviet Russia, you chases pedobear."

"Kolkolkolkolkolkol~ in America, Soviet Russia kills you, in Soviet Russia, I will still kill you~"

"Oh crap!"


	4. Chapter 4

**101 Ways To Get Killed By The Nations**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING~**

**Tenth Way: Get caught in a fight.**

And out of all people, it's Ludwig who accidently get caught in a fight.

The thing is, the fight isn't just some silly fights... but rather, Ludwig got himself caught in the middle of three-way axe battle between Gilbert, Anotonio and Matthias, and he got caught when he tried to stop the three from destroying the room further.

"How in the hell that this even happen anyway?"

"Well, apparently, those three idiots, you know, "Dark" side is more in control than usual for some reasons..."

Feliciano, Lovino and Alfred just grinned sheepishly, well, it's partially their fault for causing this...

"And the three began to pull some axes and try to beat the shit out of each other, Ludwig stepped in, and finally get caught."

"Neeeeiiiiiinnn!"

"I think we should try to save Ludwig, like, now."

"Wait for some more minutes, I'm still enjoying this."

**Eleventh Way: Please learn your lesson Francis, you already has Arthur.**

In another act out of idiocy, Francis try to flirt with yet another nation, namely Lovino.

And looks like, he forget the fact that Antonio is still in his Conquistador mood...

"Monsieur Antonio my friend, do you have anything you want to say?"

"Nothing, just wanna crack your skull open and mutilate your body with my axe."

"Ohonhonhon~, I see. Wait, what?"

"Che, are you deaf you perverted bastard? He says he wanna kill you, and like hell I'm going to stop him."

"And mein bruder is still in the infirmary, so he won't do anything to stop Antonio, and I know we were friends, but honestly, I thought it's better to just let him butch your body down."

"NOOOONNN!"

**Twelfth Way: Annoy them with a certain song.**

Who can blame Arthur for that?

Exactly, no one, as it's just natural for someone to react that way to anyone who dare to play that horrendeus abomination that humans has started to call song, and the way that the person that Matthew really wish isn't his singing the song is certainly ear bleeding worthy.

"Baby baby ooh~, baby baby ooh~"

"Goddamit, stop it you bloody git! Are you planning to kill me?!"

"Not really, just planning to destroy your eardrums, see? I put on some earpiece which play Mariah Carey to counter the effect of the song for me."

"You git!"


	5. Chapter 5

**101 Ways to Get Killed by The Nations.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DIDN'T OWN HETALIA**

**Thirteenth Way: Documented something you shouldn't have.**

Poor Elizaveta, sometimes, she just didn't know what she shouldn't has gotten herself into.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Oh god, I don't know that you could so something like that! Where did you learn than, Gil?!"

"Raj told me how, but that's beside the point!"

"Ve~, Miss Elizaveta, don't you think that you really need to join Kiku there?"

There, or to be more specific, the bathtub in the hotel room's bathroom, Kiku is being tied and gagged, while his head is positioned just under the faucet and cold water pouring to his face.

"Eeeh? I think... run!"

"Not a chance, kesesese~"

"Kyaaa!"

The next morning...

"Elizaveta, what are you doing in the fountain?"

"Gilbert and Feliciano tied me here..."

"What did you do?"

"The usual, I think you should try to save Kiku, he's being drowned in their bathroom."

"Just when I thought you two learn something from the last month's experience..."

**Fourteenth Way: Prank your sibling(s).**

Ivan almost get a heart attack when he see Natalia and Katyusha being in a bed together, almost naked.

As soon as he see that, he run away very fast.

"Ivan, what are you doing in my bunker?"

"The end of the world is coming! Hide me anywhere!"

"Why would you think of that?"

The picture that Natalia send to his phone explain it all to Alfred.

"Dude, seriously! Your face is fucking priceless!"

"Wha-What?! Let me see that!"

"..."

"Natalia!"

That's when he realize that he had been pranked by his sisters.

"Eeek~! Big brother, please forgive me and marry me later!"

"That's a double no!"

"Ivan~!" *boing* "It's also my idea~" *boing*

**Fifteenth Way: Remind Canada about a certain guy.**

"Hey, Matvey!"

"Umm, yeah?"

"Could you please do me a favour?"

"It depends, what do you want?"

"Well, Natalia and the girls like that guy from your country, who is his name again? Oh yeah, Justin Bieber, can you-"

Before Ivan could finish his sentence, he cut himself off when he see the hockey stick being pointed to his face.

"Never. Mention. That. Name. In. Front. Of. Me!"

"Okay..."

"If you want to ask anything about that bastard, ask Alfred."

"Oh, okay... can I ask you another one then?"

"What?"

"Take me to any live performance of a band or musicians that you like, just you and me, please?"

"Okay..."

They ended up going to see Ed Sheeran.

Ivan doesn't know how lucky he was, had it was another nations who ask him about that, they wouldn't have a hockey stick pointed at their face, nope, the hockey stick will land straight to their brain.

**End~**


End file.
